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We asked men what they consider hidden aggression by women. These are the most common examples of what our respondents called the disguised stiffness, which actually causes them pain. And in the final, the psychologist gives comments that unfold the situation 180 degrees.

She does not allow to move forward

Nikita, 32 years old

I always wanted to have my own business. In order to gain experience, he first got a job in a profile company, was engaged in logistics. When I decided to go on free swimming, I did not expect my girlfriend that my girlfriend would not support me.

“Why throw an excellent job that brings a stable income,” “If nothing happens, you will only lose money” is her words. I had to spend a lot of strength on resistance to such negativity.

A well -paid work allowed her to count on benefits that she did not want to lose, because in her own business the first time she would have to work for the future and not hope for quick money.

In the end, her main argument – “You are not determined enough, you are not created for your business” – seemed humiliating to me. I realized that we are simply not on the way.

She makes you feel always guilty

Alexey, 35 years old

Her nit -picking and scandals became part of our life. I had to constantly make uncomfortable decisions, do only what she considers correct. On the weekend go to her relatives. Rest where she wants. With your friends to see her consent.

It is difficult for me with a person who never recognizes his mistakes. Tired of hearing that “everything good between us is happening only thanks to her”. I felt in the role of the accused, and my girlfriend from a loved one and beloved woman turned into a prosecutor.

When once I refused to accompany her to visit people who are not close to me, and she again accused me of selfishness, our relationship ended.

She belittles the achievements of a man and mocks him

Alexander, 26 years old

It all began, it would seem, with the little things. I told her that the boss praised the project that I worked on. “Well, finally, at least someone praised you,” she answered.

It all ended that she began to make fun of me in the presence of other people. I could jokingly tell how I made a mistake in something. As a result, I realized that she increases her own self -esteem.

She specifically makes you jealous

Vasily, 27 years old

Of course, from the very beginning I understood that my girlfriend is very beautiful and attracts the attention of men. Later it turned out – she has more familiar male than I could imagine. Immediately said that she could not be friends with women.

And when we already lived together, continued to constantly correspond with someone, answered calls. I told me that these are just her friends. We began to quarrel, and I realized – she likes that I am jealous. Moreover, she deliberately makes me suffer.

I do not think that she physically cheated on me, rather, she needed a constant stream of attention and admiration. This fuel her ego. She didn’t care about my feelings.

She turns you into maintenance staff

Mikhail, 36 years old

When we just met, I was in love and fascinated by it. I gladly responded to requests – any help was for me to joy. I tried to always be near, until, in the end, I did not understand that she constantly acts as a victim that needs to be saved.

And when, for objective reasons, I cannot do something for her, offends and punishes in silence, ceases to answer calls.

I was very worried at first. He blamed himself, tried to ask her forgiveness, until finally understood – most of her problems are far -fetched. And she could well cope on her own.

Perhaps she herself sincerely believed that she constantly needed help and support, but this turned into a form of manipulation.

“Silently tolerate, and then leave the relationship is the sad reality of many couples”

Daria Petrovskaya, Gestalt therapist

We will analyze all five stories that are largely united by the inability of the heroes to go through the stage of disappointment with relations.


It is impossible for an adult to allow or not to allow to move forward.


The decision to develop is made by the one who needs it. Perhaps this choice will not please or scare his partner, and then stress will arise in a relationship. It is important to meet this conflict honestly, and not expect from another approval and a “right” reaction.


And then my comment will be like. It is impossible to force an adult to feel guilty for not committing. There is real fault, but there is a neurotic. Refusal to accompany the partner where he needs, can really cause discontent.

In this case, it’s nice to look for compromises. For example, “I do not mind going to your parents no more than once a month/year/several years”. If this shape is impossible to find or one of the couple is too categorical, then the gap is inevitable.


In the third story, I sympathize with the hero. However, in therapy of steam, I noticed many times that one of the partners may not at all realize about the feelings of the other.

If at the beginning of the relationship it was customary to joke and make fun of each other, then the girl could not assume that her lover would subsequently be offended. The only option here is to identify your border clearly and clearly: “I am unpleasant, do not do that anymore”.


This story about false expectations. The girl from the very beginning was sociable and did not hide her male friends. Where did her young man expects that with his arrival in her life she would refuse them?

In addition, it is unclear whether she really provoked jealousy or is it difficult for a man to cope with his feelings.


The fifth story looks like disappointment. In fact, nothing has changed, but the attitude of the hero towards the help of his lover for some reason became sharply opposite. Why did he believe that help was needed, and then he stopped? What is the difficulty to say “I can’t” and give another the right to my reaction? Suppose the girl was really offended, but what is unbearable for a man?

Men accuse their partners of passive aggression, not noticing that it is manifested by themselves that they are shifting responsibility for their feelings for women. After all, the difference between a passive form and active is that one or both cannot withstand a direct dialogue on uncomfortable topics.

Active aggression is not about screaming loudly at each other. It is not to get away from communication when you experience complex feelings. The silence of men is also an action, and it carries its consequences.

To endure, and then get out of a relationship, unfortunately, is the sad reality of many families. Many have the expectation that the other will guess how it is not necessary to do with him, but in reality this is often not so.

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